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Accountant jokes.

Posted by news on 23.09.2017 in Основное |

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Why accountants don't read novels?
B
ecause the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
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If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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What is the definition of "accountant"?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
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What do accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book!
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Why don't old accountants never die?
They just lose their balance!
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What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
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Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.
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What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.
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What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
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What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular
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How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
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What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
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What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

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Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
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Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
Because on the box it said Concentrate.
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What's the difference between the male sperm and an accountant?
The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.
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When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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What's an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humour.
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Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
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What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant. 


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